Years ago my mom gave me a wooden sign. It reads, “Home Is Where Your Story Begins.” My story had an exceptional beginning. My parents, along with my older sister and two younger brothers, were incredibly blessed with amazing friends, Christian faith and values, good health and tons of sun and fun…on Lake Michigan. There’s a reason it’s called a “Great Lake.” Its greatness forged at the very core of me a love of water that remains intensely passionate. As for the “where” – put your left hand up and pretend it’s Michigan. I grew up right about where your pinky meets your hand. Still to this day, I echo what Dorothy proclaimed in The Wizard of Oz, “There’s no place like home.”
My parents invested and sacrificed greatly to send all four of us kids to private, Christian schools K-12 plus Catholic University tuition multiplied by four. Ka-ching! What an investment. What a gift. After I focused my studies on Marketing & Journalism, I graduated with a B.A. My story continued to follow the All-American script. Go to college. Graduate. Move to big city (Boston in my case). Interview. Accept job. Get promoted. Meet Prince Charming (Keith Conley in my case). Get promoted again. Fall in love. Get big rock then get married. Move to Atlanta, GA, to begin a new life together while watching a city prepare for, then host, the 1996 Summer Olympic Games (Thrilling BTW). Join Arthur Andersen as a Business Developer for the Family Wealth Planning practice. Get promoted to Southeast Area Director of Marketing. After six successful years at Andersen, enjoy the recruiting efforts of Ernst & Young to hire me away. Accept a phenomenal, potentially culture-shifting position with Ernst & Young. Can you hear the upbeat Hollywood musical score playing in the background right now?
My fairly wrinkle-free life skipped on. Problems would pop up here and there but nothing I couldn’t handle. For the first five years of our married life, Keith and I stayed fit at the gym and enjoyed scuba diving trips. We were jet setters enjoying two sweet salaries, flying free on Keith’s million-miler points with Delta, cashing in free hotel room points for glam trips to destinations like Bora Bora, Hawaii and Bermuda. We wanted to have kids so we slowly adjusted our lifestyle. We practiced for what it might be like to have kids with our dogs, KayC & Skyler. Late in 1998, we welcomed with great joy our first child, a son, a mini-me of Keith. The power of God is so very evident in the miracle of new life. The entire experience left Keith and me in awe of our God as we soaked in our precious new baby boy. My heart was expanding but my body was still contracting with intensifying pain months after the birth.
After a multitude of medical tests and doctors, the following year I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. This chronic, oftentimes debilitating disease, can strike anywhere in the digestive track – in my case the small intestine. There’s no known cause or cure. If you’re plotting my story on a graph this is where the downward curve begins. In time, as the disease progressed and the prescribed meds grew increasingly toxic, the dream of having a second child came into serious question.
On top of this huge uncertainty, my new mom heartstrings coupled with my rapidly declining health brought on an emotional onslaught and a priority war with my beloved career. I knew what I had to do. I had to face head-on the horrible stereotype I slapped on every part-time working mom…I secretly labeled them all high-maintenance, uncommitted slackers. When I wrestled this falsehood to the ground the internal war finally quieted. I chose to go part-time and was grateful to the Ernst & Young leaders who were so accommodating. I was even more grateful when my meds were altered to provide the chance to be a mom a second time. The first bit of good news ended in a heartbreaking miscarriage that stunned Keith and me. The next pregnancy a year later brought news that a healthy little girl was on the way. Joy and relief don’t even begin to describe the emotions surrounding her arrival in 2002. Keith had his mini-me and now I had mine in the gift of a daughter. DNA is a powerful thing.
Immediately following the pregnancy, my health went from bad to worse. This is not how the All-American script is supposed to play out.
The writing was on the wall. Everyone could read it but me. I was sinking deeper and deeper. I could barely manage the home front being a wife and mom, let alone maintain my part-time work schedule. Yet in denial, I clung to it all. I refused to loosen my death grip on my rewarding work with Ernst & Young. Often family and friends had to wrestle me into the car for a trip to St. Joseph’s Hospital rather than a trip downtown to the office. More and more frequent trips to the emergency room resulted in longer and longer hospitalizations. In time, the increased absences from work forced short-term disability on and off for a few years but my declining health finally made long-term disability imminent in 2005.
My weight plummeted. My skin tone turned gray. My labs and blood work would not improve. The abdominal pain was excruciating and the exhaustion from the most basic tasks was surreal for this high-octane woman. I became a medical mystery which prompted two different trips to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.
The disease progressed to the point that I could not get food down due to a two-foot blockage. I faced the choice of re-sectioning surgery or hooking up to a food pump every day so surgery won out. Rather than improving after surgery, the disease spread to the upper third of my digestive tract. One night in the hospital, while experiencing an onset of unspeakable pain, I pounded the nurse call button because I truly thought I was going to die. I thought I would be taken out early.
Keith did too. He feared he and the kids would lose me. The stress of our situation, coupled with some challenges that were brought into the marriage, landed us straight into marriage counseling for crisis situations. Divorce or stay together? That was the question we were wrestling to the ground.
My life seemed to unravel. In the sea of misery and inactivity, I didn’t recognize any part of my life or myself. “Who am I?” The harsh reality hit me: my identity was all wrapped up in my work and performance. A major identity crisis ensued & detox from the drug of doing began. It was excruciating.
I hit rock bottom physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually.
Life hurt beyond words. I came to the very end of myself.
To make matters worse, I couldn’t even take care of my own family. My amazing extended family, friends and colleagues took over to serve and love the Conley 4 in every capacity imaginable over the next three years. Those I love made an invisible God visible to me.
God was clearly at work. As the layers and layers of how I defined myself were stripped away so too were the complex layers of my religion. It proved a cold comfort when my world went dark. The faulty foundation crumbled when I did. While at the bottom, I experienced Jesus at the core. Pure. Simple. Real. I slowly unbundled religion and Jesus. Some profound occurrences prompted me to start hanging out with Him more and more often…in the morning hours…in my big, cozy chair.
This Bored, Bible-Blind Believer actually bought, opened and started to read the Bible. As I did, I found TRUE FREEDOM. Freedom from the lifelong, guilt-producing, performance burden of trying to earn my way into heaven. (news flash for me: the eternal party is a total gift; freely given never earned) Freedom in learning what God has to say about Himself rather than what people have to say about Him. Freedom in the timeless truth that God is love and only love and His love runs deeper than words can express for each and every one of us. Freedom in knowing that I didn’t have to earn God’s love. In the words of Scripture, I learned my true identity as a beloved child of the King.
My weekday early morning time was spent with God and my Sunday morning time was spent at North Point Community Church soaking in the extraordinary teachings of my Senior Pastor, Andy Stanley. I gradually learned what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Drivenness and duty melted into devotion and desire. Rules, routines and rituals transformed into a relationship. I established a new faith footing and foundation on the ROCK Eternal. Today I know that through His unfailing love, I will not be shaken. No matter what this life throws at me. Today I am grounded in the belief that it’s the relationship not the religion that ROCKS. I am no longer locked up in legalism. I have been liberated by God’s love.
Authentic Christianity is not a checklist. Authentic Christianity is a real, ever-deepening, love relationship with its founder. A natural outpouring of this growing relationship is the growing desire to live and love like Jesus Christ. The new vision for my life is now the vision of weROCK, which grew out of my journey: To Love People In and Into the Body of Christ.
Here’s how the story of weROCK unfolded In The Beginning… As for the other parts of my story? The doctors released me from long-term disability in December 2008. Think back. That was just in time for the global market meltdown of epic proportions. The shrinking economy and growing uncertainties left no capacity for me to return to my former position. I was shocked and humbled to be living out the headlines. This was, after all, the place I had planned to pick up my All-American script and resume my charmed story. God had other plans.
While at the bottom, I went deeper into all of my important relationships and gained an even fuller understanding of their value. It was the right time to launch the vision that unfolded during those three critical years on long-term disability. It was time to create a brand that’s all about relationships. After all, relationship is where influence is deeply rooted and it’s the foundation for success. Here’s the completeROCKplatform…
My foundation is ROCKsolid as I move into these next chapters of my life. I am still married. Keith and I have some tough work ahead of us but we plan to finish together. Our kids are thriving, healthy, awesome………..and saved. Both of them freely chose to be baptized on June 24, 2009. I didn’t expect their decisions for Christ so soon so it was a huge day! Our parenting is far from over but our biggest mission has been accomplished.
As for my health, God continues to heal me. I have enjoyed extended periods of remission on this roller coaster ride. I’m happy to report that I’ve not stayed one night on the third floor of St. Joseph’s Hospital since my long-term disability days when everything was heading south.
Speaking of the South, I will never forget the culture shock when I first moved to Atlanta in 1992. My first commute downtown on the MARTA train validated everything I’d ever heard about the Bible Belt. Three people on the train were actually studying their Bibles very intently. One lady was even writing in her Bible. Gasp!
The entire scene shocked me. I kept my distance from these Holy Roller Jesus Freaks.
All these years later, I now know those three people held absolute POWER in their hands. My entire life, I’d listened to God’s Word every Sunday morning. My life wasn’t transformed until I read it and studied it for myself. God’s Word has the power to transform, to renew, to restore, and to redeem. His Words will make you WHOLE and create in you an inner strength that is unshakeable. No matter what this world throws at you.
So no worries. I’ve not been buckled up in the Bible Belt too long. Promise. I’ve simply experienced the inner strength and sense of wholeness that come from a ROCKsolid relationship with Jesus Christ. He is my ROCK. I am ROCKsteady. With all the uncertainties of this life, I can’t be sure of where my story will go from here. But I can always be sure of one absolute truth:
