Today I slayed a dragon.
It was to be a big work day after a long week of leisure, lounging, love, laughing and loading up on turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie. The kids were off school for the entire Thanksgiving week and we had a glorious time. We relished in relationships and rest and jammies until noon. Our God has blessed us so abundantly so we thanked Him often throughout the week.
Truth be told, my high-octane self has a limit on leisure. At some point, I get restless and want to get back to business. Last night when my head hit the pillow, I was looking forward to switching gears to a day focused on results. My grand plan died around 1:30 this morning when our son showed up along my side of the bed reporting that he was sick. Most moms know the instantaneous tension that arises. My heart sank for my hurting child. My heart also sank for the power-packed agenda that just went up in smoke. An all out momflict erupted. Over the years I’ve learned the pattern. When the hyperventilation sets in and the enormous sense of frustration torments because my priorities are temporarily blurred, I know the only way for me to begin such a day is with God.
Once I got my daughter off to school, I checked in on my son, then immediately went to my prayer chair. I hung out with God for a long time. Only He can soften me to surrender. Only He can loosen the death grip I have on my agenda and gently keep my hands open to receive His. Only He can renew and reframe my re-prioritization so that I can live out the “no regrets” working mom goal I set for myself. Only He can help me conquer the drivenness so that I can be led by Him.
The Dragon of Drivenness was successfully slain today in my chair.
It’s a monster that I’ve wrestled with most of my life. It’s what emerges when daily discipline and performance are taken to unhealthy extremes. It’s a monster that will re-emerge on any given day without warning so I must stand guard each moment of most days. The good news is…I’ve learned to conquer it. In my chair. I stay until the peace comes.
By the time I was done hanging out with God this morning, I was willing to step back and be led. I canceled some meetings and a lunch then anticipated a special day with my son. The cold, dark, rainy day was the perfect back-drop to cozy up with him and be fully present with him. The day was filled with treasured moments I would have missed entirely if not for my time with God.
Here’s what I firmly believe: Satan drives and strives. God gently leads. Success and results are important but be aware of how you go about accomplishing them. Slow down long enough to assess. Is the dragon driving you and devouring your joy, sanity, health, or peace of mind? Are you being driven or led today? Do you have a dragon to slay?
